There were many days when I went on and on in my previous blog "Luna Around The Corner" about my body, and how uncomfortable I was in it.
Quite a few things have changed in the last few months since receiving treatment for my eating disorder, and some things haven't changed at all.
On Saturday I went to the beach with my friends. I'm not really fond of the beach. I like looking at it from a balcony and from a rock, but I don't like the sand and waves and swimsuits in public. It was a really hot day though, and I wanted to spend time with my friends.
About two months ago, while still in rehab, I made a pledge to myself that the next time I had to wear a swimsuit it would be a bikini. Now usually when I wear a bikini I wear shorts over it. My bum and thighs were my biggest (no pun hehehe) pain, and I HAD to cover them up.
On Saturday I took the plunge. No shorts, just me and my glorious thighs and bum. Being a woman of colour, I know it's time to embrace these curves because they are not going anywhere.
There is no way in hell that I can get that skinny caucasian body type with zero hips that I always desired. There's no way in hell that I can even get the skinny body I had gotten a few months ago through starvation; not without dying.
And of course I surprised myself. I walked around a packed beach with confidence. At times I even forgot what I was wearing.
Recovery isn't easy, I have bad days and awesome days and average days. But each day is a day I'm grateful for, grateful not to be controlled by the mad obsession that grips us all and makes us think we have "control".
I don't embrace my body everyday, but I'm damn proud that I did this day.